Best/Worst Letters of the Day

Best letter of the day comes to you from The Bloggess. First off, if you don’t read her, you should. I’m new to her brilliance and I can’t stop cackling about giant metal chickens named Beyonce. Also, she has an Etsy shop, which is “tentatively called ‘Eight pounds of uncut cocaine‘ so that your credit card bill will be more interesting.”

Her letter to the editor of Jane and the now-defunct Sassy Magazines attempting to turn down a writing gig induced even more cackling. It includes this:

Unfortunately my book is due at my publishers so I’m swamped with writing deadlines, so the only way I could do this would be to write for you a few times a year when I have spare time/insomnia, or to quit one of my paid columns, which would suck because my daughter has grown accustomed to the little luxuries of hot lunches and vaccinations. I would love to hear more about it though, and either way this email will go in my file labeled “THAT JUST HAPPENED”, sandwiched between the time Neil Gaiman agreed to speak at my funeral, and the time when I accidentally started a feud between myself and William Shatner which was covered by several news outlets.  (It was a very slow news week).

And now, in worst letters another stupid online dating message. Join me as we officially step off the reservation:

“Well aren’t you gorgeous for being so young and so very tiny (though you say curvy)…thought you were much younger at first. It’s not often I can say that about such a fragile and innocent girl being very attractive. You probably can’t keep up with an experienced, adventurous and naughty bad man unfortunately, can you? ;-) The mind is hotter than the hottest of bodies…what do you have up there cutie???”

Normally, I would feel bad about revealing someone’s actual username, but this dude does not deserve my confidentiality. He calls himself “hotandawesome1.” In the words of Kat Stratford, doubtful, very doubtful.

Related Post: Best. Text. Ever.

Related Post: More funny women. On youtube. One is called Fennel.

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1 Comment

Filed under Really Good Writing by Other People

One response to “Best/Worst Letters of the Day

  1. Pingback: Writing Rules from C.S. Lewis | rosiesaysblog

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