This week at Role/Reboot, I wrote about one of my favorite subjects, online dating! I know, I know, I just have so many opinions on the subject that I just can’t help myself. My focus this week was how to actually have a good time on the date itself. Key words: low pressure + honesty.
Related Post: My piece for GMP on happier hunting on the interwebz.
Related Post: An OkCupid message contest.
Filed under Gender, Republished!, Sex
New essay up at The Good Men Project about dating single parents, “creative” families, responsibility, and why step-parenting is the most thankless role in the modern family.
Related Post: Same title structure, different article… Could I Fall in Love with a Bus Driver?
Related Post: Why I believe in joint custody.
Filed under Family, Gender, Republished!
To follow-up my light and fluffy Role/Reboot piece about period sex, I decided to switch gears and go a little deep and emo. Here’s this week’s essay on the idea of The Break-up Museum, aka All That Stuff You Left in My Apartment aka What Am I Supposed to Do with All These Sticks?
Related Post: First date sex.
Related Post: The litany of online dates.
Filed under Art, Books, Chicago, Republished!
One of the nice things about having your own blog is that nobody but you controls the headlines, images, captions, or advertising. The downside, of course, is that your only readers are the ones that find their way to your little corner of the internet. And so, sometimes we make tradeoffs, in the name of expanded readership.
Here is an article I wrote for Minerva Place, that online lady mag I mentioned a few weeks ago. When I submitted the piece, I called it “Curvy Girl Dating,” or some such nonsense. The piece got retitled “Real Women Have Curves.” Oy! How embarassing! The concept of “real” womanhood is one I have railed against time and again. The idea that body shape is what makes us “real” women is my least favorite and the laziest trope of the body positive movements. Real women are skinny and fat and voluptuous and svelte and flat-chested and pear-shaped and tall and short and blah blah blah. You know the drill.
And yet, there it is, right above my byline.
What’s more, the ads surrounding my piece (which is about body acceptance and body positivity…) are weight-loss ads. Double oy. When you give your writing to other people to share, you give up some serious contextual control. Online ads are often keyword triggered, which leads to some very confusing ad/article pairings. Love your body! Get rid of your fat! Everybody is different and it’s beautiful! Look like the people on magazines! Mixed messaging much?
What do you think? Is it worth trying to reach a new target audience when you sacrifice some of the decision-making power to people (or automated ad generators) who may not be on the same page?
Related Post: Curve Appeal vs. American Apparel’s Next Big Thing contest
Related Post: Tyra Banks thinks calling plus size women “fiercely real” is a good thing…
Related Post: One gentleman didn’t think I “sounded” curvy on an online dating profile.
Filed under Advertising, Body Image, Republished!
So here’s a thing I wrote on a subject on which I have waxed poetic before:
Click for full article
Minerva Place is a new lady site that recently launched (and is actually still in early testing/tweaking stages). It’s about health, diet, fitness, beauty, romance… basically all of the sections of a Cosmo.
I’m doing some initial writing (excuse me, “content generation”) for Minerva, and this is my first piece. Kind of interesting to see how I changed my style given the venue. For example, I used phrases such as:
the appetizers were salty and delicious
ride the wave of good vibes
If that’s what floats your boat, then rock it, girl
Let’s not forget that it takes two to tango
Fun, right? I mean, patently ridiculous, of course, but fun! Cosmo, Glamour, and the like tend to go for shock value in their headlines. Ultimately, though, they mask pretty traditional views on sex and sexuality with saucy language (Remember Kate’s guest post about Cosmo‘s take on kink?)
For Minerva, which models itself on more conventional lady mags, I attempted to mimic the same stylistic notes so as not to scare away readers with my straight-up feministing. But, under the cutesy language, I wanted to make sure that my message was the same as always: sex positivity, know thyself, personal safety, respect your partners, elimination of double standards, etc.
What do you think? Did my genre mash-up experiment work?
Related Post: My first date sex flowchart on The Frisky.
Related Post: How rare, I agree with Herman Cain.
Filed under Gender, Republished!, Sex
1. HERPES: Fantastic essay from The Hairpin about the perks of having Herpes. Yep, you read that right.
2. VLOG: My lovely friend Bryn and her friend Caro have officially launched their new vlog, Come to Bed with Bryn and Caro, which is “devoted to sitting in bed, eating snacks, and discussing important queer lady issues like alternative lifestyle haircuts, hot celebs, and the butch/femme dichotomy!”
3. JULY: The Rumpus interviews writer/actress/director Miranda July about her latest project, which involves interviewing people who sell objects on the internet.
4. BARNEY: Oh man, do I love Barney Frank. The Masschusetts congressman speaks to New York Magazine about his impending retirement, being the first congressman to come out, and the excessively divisive political landscape. One of my favorite lines (of many): “Half of them are Michele Bachmann. The other half are afraid of losing a primary to Michele Bachmann.”
5. PLAYBOY: The Chicago Tribune publishes an open thank you letter from Hugh Hefner to the city of Chicago, where he founded Playboy (and built the first Playboy mansion) 60 years ago.
6. EVERNOTE: The New York Times interview with Phil Libin, founder of everyone’s favorite memory aid, Evernote, on his approach to developing company culture by adding cool training shit and removing unnecesary technology (no desk phones!).
Related Post: Sunday 55: Juvenile detention centers, geeky tattoos, deal breakers, etc.
Related Post: Sunday 54: Peter Dinklage, baby ear piercings, remixing gendered advertising.
1. INCARCERATION: Photo series from Wired inside of juvenile detention centers. Remind me again how we justify putting children in rooms like these for any period of time?
2. BOOKS: Saundra Mitchell articulately points out that girls read books with boy protagonists all the time, and consequently the argument that we need more YA boy books is flawed. We need to teach boys that some stories are universal.
3. DATING: GOOD Magazine does a whole series on deal breakers. Since DealBreakers is one of my favorite I’ve-had-a-lot-of-wine-and-I-want-to-make-lists games, I enjoyed it very much.
4. ABORTION: Amazing piece in the NYT by Susan Heath telling the common, but often untold, story of married mothers who seek the services of Planned Parenthood.
5. INK: Nerdy tattoos. Many are too nerdy for me to get, but I’m nonetheless fascinated by the things people choose to wear forever.
6. MASSACHUSETTS: List of fake town names from my home state in McSweeney’s. I’ve since learned this will probably not be funny unless you’re from Massachusetts.
Related Post: Sunday last, Trayvon and race, Peter Dinklage, used yoga mats.
Related Post: Two Sundays past, nail art, baby ear piercing, Romans vs. the U.S. military.
Filed under Art, Books, Gender, Politics, Really Good Writing by Other People
1. LAW: The New Yorker has a fascinating piece on the true story behind the Lawrence vs. Texas case. Who was Lawrence, and who was the other guy, and what was actually going on? Hint: It’s not what you think.
2. TELEVISION: In the midst of 8 gazillion March Madness style tournements, Grantland is running one pitting characters from The Wire against one another. My money’s on Obama’s #1 seed.
3. POLITICS: Alternet has helpfully curated a list of the 11 dumbest things Republicans have said about women (recently).
4. DATING: xkcd tackles pick-up culture and hits the nail on the head. Gentlemen, we know what you’re up to.
5. LANGUAGE: From Buzzfeed, a chart tracking the usage of the word “slut” in recent years.
6. WORLD: Does four years with an American president feel like a long time? The Economist compares the average tenure of our leaders to the rest of the world.
Related Post: Last Sunday, we had a Lena Dunham interview, 1938 dating advice and 6 houses in Chicago.
Related Post: Two Sundays ago, Zilla marches, feminist pornographers, and Jonathan Lethem on copyright.
Filed under Gender, Hollywood, Media, Politics, Really Good Writing by Other People
1. BOOKS: Apparently, the Manhattan mom circuit is obsessed with a raunchy S&M themed series called Fifty Shades. I think they just need to get out more.
2. BIZ: This Harvard Business Review piece has a silly title, but it’s a pretty cool idea. The biggest obstacle preventing women from consistently getting to work in the developing world is lack of adequate menstrual supplies. In swoops Elizabeth Schwarpf!
3. CHICAGO: Anybody who hasn’t lived in Hyde Park may not find this n+1 essay very interesting, but whatever, this is my blog and therefore the only person I need to entertain is myself. Actually, though, it’s quite good and you all should read it…
4. DATING: Retronaut has a series of tips for single women from 1938, including “Don’t talk about clothes or try to describe your new gown. Please and flatter your date by talking about the things he wants to talk about.”
5. HBO: I could not be more excited for the new HBO show Girls (premiering in April). Creator Lena Dunham and cast members are interviewed for the NYT Magazine about comparisons to SATC, onscreen sex, and that whole post-grad wandering phase.
6. TELEVISION: Emily Nussbaum has two things at the New Yorker that you should read right now. 1) A defense of Liz Lemon, and 2) This breakdown of The Good Wife’s approach to gray-area technology and the law.
Related Post: Sunday 48: Adele interviews, Zilla marches, OWS and “luck”
Related Post: Sunday 47: Photoshopping the masters, Calvin and Hobbes, and Lego problems.
Today is a shout-out day to my good friends Josh, Aaron, and Kate (who you know from Smart Girls Who Do Stupid Things). The three of them are collaborating (and it is, indeed, a dream team) on a new podcast called Guy Friends.
Josh and Aaron are the consummate “guy friends”. They will tell you when you’re being weird, when you’re being played, and why you should be terrified of glass shower doors.
Each episode features the guys answering listener questions about sex and dating, and I’d be lying if I told you that at least one of the many Emily’s mentioned isn’t me (But which one is it!?). Josh and Aaron take each question seriously, as they should, but with just the right amount of sass and skepticism (see the podcast on non-sexual hairbrushing).
You should send them some questions, because they are some pretty smart dudes and they will tell it to you straight. For example: When should you have the STD talk with a new partner? Answer: When no one has an erection.
Email them at guyfriendspodcast at gmail dot com, or leave a voicemail at (773) 234-BROS.
Related Post: My views on dating of the online variety. Hint: No shirtless pics.
Related Post: In episode 1, Josh and Aaron tackle the issue of the check. Here’s what I had to say.
