Tag Archives: Facebook

Apps for Bootycalling?

This week for Role/Reboot I “reviewed” a new Facebook app called “Bang with Friends.” In theory, it’s a discreet way to figure out which of your friends are down to hook up with you. In practice, I found it to be a quick reminder of why you don’t sleep with your friends.

I tested it with a willing friend, just to see what happens. We indicated we were down to bang each other (literally, the button you press per friend is “Down to bang!”), which opened up a little mini-messaging conversation that went like this:

Me: Hey baby, let’s get a little more comfortable. 

Me: I would never write that. That’s what this silly thing made me do.

Him: mmmm, sounds good.

Me: gross. 

If you’d like to read more about my thoughts on Bang With Friends, casual sex, secret admirers, and FWB relationships, read on:

Will A New App Reinvent The Booty Call?

Related Post: Sex on the first date? I made a flowchart!

Related Post: The “end” of courtship?

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Filed under Gender, Republished!, Sex

Twenty Five

Yesterday was my birthday.

In real life, it played out beautifully with appearances by all my favorite people, delicious food, some sort of passion fruit cocktail, yoga, a house full of people who didn’t break anything and seemed to have a good time.

On the internet, it played out like this:

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So happy birthday to me! In the words of my mother, I’m a quarter through my life (ambitious, no?). From my dad, a reminder that when he turned 55 I pointed out he was closer to 60 than 50, and so “You’re closer to 30 than 20! Payback’s a bitch!” From my brother, “Wow, you’re old.”

Related Post: OkCupid by the graphs

Related Post: Halloweenery 2012

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Great Textpectations

I so wanted to officially name this essay “Great Textpectations” but my (excellent) Role/Reboot editor vetoed in favor of something that I’m sure will drive more search traffic. I would have done it up though, with some thesis-style, colon-ated, alliteration-heavy titles, like:

Great Textpectations: The Modern Myth of Constant Communication

Great Textpectations: Varied Virtual Contact in the 21st Century Land of Love

Great Textpectations: Keeping it Klassy and Torrid Textual Triumphs

Okay, so that last one was realllly bad, but damn do I miss naming college essays! This week, I wrote about texting (and other digital communication) and how to handle it when your wavelength and your partner’s wavelength are not even close to the same frequency. I’m not sure how wavelengths and frequency work, so that analogy might not make sense.

Is Technology Ruining Your Relationship?

Related Post: Why I love Foursquare.

Related Post: Counting Facebook friends.

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Rock and a Hard Place

This will be the last thing I write about the Facebook page “12 Year Old Sluts,” unless, of course, it’s taken down, in which case I will crow from the rooftops.

This time, for Role/RebootI didn’t write about my rage at Facebook, or my petition, or why these men are sick and twisted. We (the collective progressive, feminist, feminist ally, sex-positive “we”) take for granted that this page is horrifying. We think the level of its heinousness is just too obvious ignore. For this piece though, I wanted to think through specifically what makes it so damaging, why it’s only an extension of existing double standards, and why some people think it’s just A-ok.

The “12 Year Old Sluts” page is just the most extreme example of the double bind that teenaged girls (and adult women) deal with all the time. It’s the worst incarnation of what happens when you’re stuck between wanting to be attractive and sexy, but not wanting to be thought too sexy (ready slutty). The sweet spot is small and hard to find, and it’s no surprise to me that teenagers get it so so wrong. Don’t we all from time to time?

Related Post: Don’t take my picture! Come on, you’re at the beach!

Related Post: Bras for children that “1000% cute!”

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Filed under Gender, Media, Republished!, Sex

Trying

On Friday, after I created that change.org petition asking Facebook to remove the 12-Year-Old Sluts page for violating their community standards, I managed to work myself into a pretty deep funk. I’m normally an extremely optimistic person, and I prefer to believe that most people are doing their best, that the arc bends towards justice, and that if you explain your position clearly and persuasively enough, anyone can become an ally.

Sometimes, that optimism leaves me vulnerable to being unpleasantly surprised by the world. Friday, I exhausted my resources for fixing what, in my view, is horrifying and unacceptably brutal abuse of social media. I made my case as articulately as I know how, I reached out to personal connections at Facebook to push from the inside, I sent my petition around. Nothing worked. I don’t get devastated easily, but aside from personal tragedy, this was the most furious/outraged/helpless I’ve felt in quite some time.

It’s a perk of living in Chicago, of surrounding myself with progressive, liberal folks, that I’m naive enough to think that the world will just agree with me if I’m clear enough about why they’re wrong. Turns out, that’s often untrue, a lesson most of you are well aware of by now. Facebook knows quite clearly what they have on their hands with “12 Year Old Sluts,” and they believe it’s on the safe side of the controversial humor/misogynistic bullying line. They are wrong, we are right, but it doesn’t matter.

So how to pull myself out of the funk of helpless spirals of people-are-the-worst anomie? Yoga first, community second. An hour of sweating, bending, twisting, and breathing did wonders for my mental state, and when I got home to find 100 signatures on my dinky little petition (plus dozens of supportive comments), the clouds cleared a little more. To seal the deal, my roommate reminded me that my outrage need not be lonely. Other media institutions were all over it, and another petition already had 500 times as many signatures as mine.

Facebook likes to think they are facilitating connections between people, and in many ways they are. I’m eternally grateful to the smart, funny, opinionated internet network I can tap into any time I want. I truly believe it expands the world in extraordinary, amazing ways. But if Facebook believes that they are protecting the freedom of speech of commenters who tell children to kill themselves, well they better hope none of these girls take this “controversial humor” too seriously.

Related Post: Counting Facebook friends

Related Post: The 8pm Internet Ban

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Filed under Body Image, Media

I’ve Never Started a Petition Before

Until today, I had never started a petition. I wasn’t that kid in high school who went lunch table to lunch table advocating for new textbooks, or better candy in the snack machines, or cheaper prom tickets. I preferred to write my feelings (and sometimes rant my feelings) and then to think that my part in the struggle was done because I’d said my piece.

Yesterday, someone sent me a Facebook page called “12 Year Old Sluts,” (trigger warning) in which the moderators (two adult men) post and repost pictures of teenaged girls (and sometimes younger) in provocative poses for their commentariat to rip to shreds. They profess to be teaching these girls “a lesson” about not being “slutty” on the internet. The comments at best are guffaws and jokes about the girls being ugly (a lot of “I’d rather fuck a cow/tractor/dog than her”.) At worst, they are threatening (“I’d tap that…with a truck full of explosives,” “She needs a hug, around the neck…with a rope”). Many of the comments are from other girls.

I reported the page to Facebook as a violation of their community standards (which include bans on violence, threats, bullying, and harassment). They responded: “Thanks for your recent report of a potential violation on Facebook. After reviewing your report, we were not able to confirm that the specific page you reported violates Facebook’s Statement of Rights and Responsibilities.”

I can’t remember the last time I was this blindingly angry. Writing a post didn’t seem to be enough. Ranting on Facebook didn’t seem to be enough. Tweeting my rage didn’t seem to be enough. This page’s sole purpose is to promote the harassment of women and girls, to limit the ways in which they can express themselves, to shame them into behaving a certain way, and to tear them down if they don’t. The men who created this page think they are doing someone a favor by shredding a girl’s self-esteem so she “learns a lesson.” All they do is perpetuate a cycle where women are valued strictly for how much men like to look at them.

I started a change.org petition to get Facebook to remove this page. It is currently filed under “Controversial Humor.” Here’s the full text of my letter:

Related Post: On Daniel Tosh and rape jokes.

Related Post: Anita Sarkeesian gets harassed for attempting to research violence in video games

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Filed under Gender, Media

Body Positive

New piece up at Role/Reboot this morning on why body positivity, an idea I’m 100% in favor of, doesn’t jibe with all this “real women have curves” b.s. While I agree that fat people face discrimination, harassment and scorn, and that that needs to stop immediately, disputing the “realness” of other women (thin, muscular, flat-chested, trans, etc) is the wrong way to get there.

Relatedly, I have a new favorite line on this subject from Germaine Greer: ”The body reasonably healthy and clean is the body beautiful.”

Related Post: My Role/Reboot piece on period sex.

Related Post: How the internet ad culture creates some seriously mixed messages.

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Filed under Body Image, Republished!

So What Do You Do Exactly? Social Strategy Edition

Welcome back to my jobs series, So What Do You Do Exactly?  Today’s guest, Ambika, is social strategist at the big NYC advertising agency BBH. She works on megabrands (rhymes with “schmoogle”), up-and-coming products, and non-profits to help them design and execute a 21st century strategy for connecting with their consumers.

What’s your actual job title? Social Media Strategist.

What would your job title be if it actually described what you do? Brand planner, helping brands find their most articulate, clever, effective digital and social selves.

What does a sample day look like? Since my job is to be well versed on all things social, I spend my mornings perusing Facebook and Twitter. I follow a ton of great digital guru sites (Mashable, PSFK, TechCrunch, Gawker, College Humor, BuzzFeed) that keep me in the know. I spend a good amount of time reading.

I am the only specialized social media strategist at my agency, so I get pulled into a lot of different projects. At the moment I’m working on two alcohol brands, a big non-profit, a personal care brand, a new business pitch for an e-commerce company, and some general thinking on how to make our agency more digital/social. Phew – I guess I never usually list it all out! I love that I’m empowered to think strategically and creatively and that my opinion is as valued as anyone else’s (despite my young age!).

In terms of actual work, I spend a lot of time prepping ideas for creative development, learning about target markets and their digital/social behaviors, adding texture to creative ideas, and mulling over word choice. Geek attack!
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Do you think data drives the world forward these days? Totally. I’m a data girl by nature and planning puffery kills me. BBH is a traditional, creative ad shop, which means in the past, beautiful, qualitative insights have been tantamount (versus starting a process using data points). Think back for a second – did Don Draper or Peggy Olsen ever use syndicated survey data? Nottt really. But as the advertising industry shifts from serving solely a creative function to more of a consultative function, being able to validate initiatives and efforts is becoming increasingly important.

I always use qualitative research–consumer truths, behaviors, trends–at the beginning of my projects.  But on the back end, especially with social initiatives, quantitative results are absolutely necessary. Social is so new as a creative avenue that sometimes people simply don’t understand the ROI [return on investment]. Data is crucial in showing them that social is big.

You’re uber creative/artistic, how do you find the creative space in the work that you do? I am so lucky that my role at BBH is wonderfully creative. I’m always being challenged to come up with new ideas. People are evolving rapidly and changing everyday (especially on social!), and there are so many amazing ways that a brand can talk to them.
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Strategists are often known for their way with words. And as a writer, this is totally up my alley. I find myself approaching client presentations in the same way I approach personal writing. I always aim to use beautiful, articulate, and succinct language. This, to me, is one of the truest exercises in creativity!

What does “brand management” mean? How does it apply to the average person? Do have a brand I need to manage? Absolutely. And interestingly enough, this is a very current, very emerging trend as of late.

To fill you in on a hilarious truth, I just finished writing a social media strategy for an individual. It was such an eye-opening exercise. I sat down and had him tell me his life story. What he loved, what his childhood was like, who his parents were, how he ended up where he was. It was totally and utterly fascinating (he’s a seriously interesting man in the process of launching a new brand – pretty badass). My job from there was to figure out how to express all of his brilliance/eccentricities through social media. It was actually really fun.
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There’s a really interesting division emerging between one’s offline and online identities. People are very vocal (and mocking) when they feel that your online self is super hyperbolized. To best manage your brand, think through who makes you you – what do you talk about after a few glasses of wine. What do you really love? What’s your true voice? And embrace it, girlfriend! [Ambika has written on this very subject at her blog.]
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Is advertising just manipulation in pretty colors, or is it helping people find what they need? Or both? Advertising just has a bad rap, plain and simple. All of the advertising I’ve done in my life has been based on some human truth.
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At my last job, as a Customer Intelligence gal, we used a lot of data. This made for a really unique offering, and gave us hard, fast numbers to support everything we put on the table. Although my role now is not rooted in data, we still use numbers/insights/trends to confirm what we’re thinking. Being smart about your advertising is table stakes these days. If you can’t show that it’ll work (and how you landed up where you did), no one’s going to buy it!
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I have never sent something out the door before giving it a conscience check, and I take a lot of pride in that.
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In this day and age we all share so much info, are we making it too easy to be tricked? Or are we making it easy for companies to find exactly the right products for us? We’re making it easier define ourselves, and helping the world serve us content that we’ll love. Social media has helped people discover different sides of themselves. It has helped us refund who we are, figure out what’s most important to us, and serve that version of ourselves up to the world. This is really powerful! This is how some of the smartest people in the world, who happen to be super introverted too, build their chops!
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And when people are open about who they are and the things they love, the web makes it easier for them to find what they’re looking for. Take Google’s social search for instance – it can be a little scary to see articles/posts/content suggested by friends when you search in Google. How does Google know this is your friend? Why does it matter who your friends are? You just want a damn recipe! But, wouldn’t you rather use a recipe that’s been used and approved by someone you trust?
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Privacy can be a scary issue, but being open on the web only makes your experience better. I may be a Google Chrome nerd, but the web really is what you make of it. 
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To read more about Ambika and her social strategy brilliance, check out her blog Whole Creativity and follow her on Twitter/Instagram (@ambika_g). And, for those of you who want to really dig in, Ambika would love to hear from you, so shoot her a note at ambika dot gautam @ bartleboglehegarty.com.
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Related Post: So What Do You Do Exactly? Social Work Edition.
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Related Post: So What Do You Do Exactly? Photography Edition.

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Filed under Advertising, Art, Guest Posts, Media

Sunday Scraps 58

1. TECH: Great analysis from NYMag about the technological differences between Facebook and Instagram, and what makes one distrusted and the other beloved. What happens after the billion dollar purchase?

2. PROM: Religious and cultural restrictions prevented many Hamtramck students from attending a co-ed prom, so they had their own (via New York Times).

3. PLAY: Design blog This is Colossal has an awesome collection of super creative play structures. No basic monkey bars here!

4. BOOKS: Can you guess the ten most read books in the world? The Bible is number one, but what else makes the cut?

5. AUTHOR: Surprisingly, Barnes and Noble has a really interesting interview with author Alison Bechdel (Fun Home) about her new book, her mother, and process (she had a font created from her handwriting.)

6. INTERWEBZ: Comic strip Bill and Dave’s Cocktail Hour explains why the machines have won, and we might as well give up on ever disengaging from their shiny, glowing grasp.

Related Post: Sunday 57: Naked in the park, David Brooks on higher ed, child stars all growed up.

Related Post: Sunday 56: Hef’s letter to Chicago, Barney Frank, Evernote founder.

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Filed under Art, Books, Media

Announcement!

Fifteen months later, and Rosie Says has a Facebook page! Yippee. Do you like me? Do you really, really like me?

Prove it.

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