Tag Archives: hook-up culture

“Women Can Get Laid Anytime They Want” and other things people say

On the internet, I get a lot of pushback when I write about sex and gender from guys who say things like “It’s not fair, women can have sex whenever they want!”, “Women are the gatekeepers,” “You don’t have to work for it,” etc. If it were only dudes on the internet that spouted this rhetoric, I’d write them off as idiot trolls.

But it’s not just misogynistic commenters and entitled jerks online who think this kind of thing; I hear it from real guys too, the normal ones, the nice ones, the ones who I know to be decent humans. The thing I think they’re all missing is that finding any old someone who wants to get down doesn’t exactly guarantee any magic will happen. That’s not to say  you can’t stumble on to awesome amazingtimez with a one-night stand, only that what many women want (need?) to enjoy sex isn’t what a lot of those one-night standers are offering.

Today at Role/Reboot I wrote about how “getting laid” might be easy, but “getting laid” is sometimes a pretty low, unappealing bar. It’s not hard to find someone casual who wants to get it in, it is hard to find someone casual who wants to get you going.

What Does _Getting Laid_ Really Mean?

Related Post: A flow chart about first-date sex. 

Related Post: Last week I reviewed a bootycall app.

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Filed under Gender, Republished!, Sex

Why “No Means No” Is Too Low a Bar

The Good Men Project is doing a package on sexual assault and rape this week. Let’s all knock on some wood that I can’t contribute to this conversation with personal anecdotes. Does that mean I stayed out of the conversation? Of course not.

I wrote a letter to my brother… sort of. It was sparked by a conversation we had, but it isn’t really about him, per se. It’s about college and hook-up culture, and the various douchey ways that people try to convince other people to have sex with them. It’s about the fact that whether you’re being convinced or you’re doing the convincing, something’s wrong with the situation. It’s about not looking for people who will let you have sex with them, and instead looking for people who want to have sex with you. It’s about how “no means no” is too low a bar to set, and how we need to listen for and vocalize an enthusiastic, sustained “yes!”

Related Post: Is porn a dealbreaker in relationships? I have some thoughts.

Related Post: This story about the worst things in hook-up culture will give you the shivers.

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Filed under Education, Family, Sex