Tag Archives: OkCupid

Why a Single-Sex Media Diet is a Bad Idea

These OkCupid guys…. I mean really. It’s one thing to mention that your favorite author is Faulkner. Cool, I dig it. Or Hemingway, or whomever. It’s even NBD to list a couple of books you like that happen to be written by men. BUT, when you go to the trouble of listing 40+ books you love because YOU JUST CAN’T DECIDE, and literally all 42 are by guys… for real?

They probably don’t even notice. If that’s the case, this is highly fixable. If they notice and don’t care/don’t think it’s weird/don’t think women have interesting opinions or stories…. well, that shit is beyond repair. Or rather, it is a problem to large for me to fix with a snarky message or internet essay.

But the fixable ones, the ones who are oblivious but open-minded, these are the ones I write to today, in my new piece for Role/Reboot:

Screenshot_7_3_14_11_54_AM-3Related Post: The last book I loved, The Flamethrowers

Related Post: Breaking down the gender of the authors I read last year


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Filed under Art, Books, Gender, Media, Republished!

On the Radio: The Council of Feminist Thought

photo (20)If you date a lot, you probably have a system for keeping track of all the randos in your phone. Maybe you use the name of the bar where you met, or the defining facial feature, or, in my case, the last name tag “OKC” for those found on the interwebz. As I’ve discussed, my OKC section is… substantial —>

I had the script flipped on me in a delightful way recently, when one recent dater-of-Emily renamed me in his phone from the generic “OKC” to “Council on Feminist Thought.” How badass is that? Printing business cards in 3, 2, 1….

All of this is a roundabout way of sharing that I was on the Council of Feminist Thought this week on Vocalo’s The Morning AMp. We discussed why “having it all” should be a conversation we extend to men, if we’re going to bother having it all (er… no pun intended), the perils of pejorative nicknames, and superheroines!

Related Post: The time my book club was on the radio.

Related Post: The Council tackles feminist dating.

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Filed under Chicago, Gender, Media

How to Have a Conversation on a First Date (Or: How Not to Have a Conversation on a First Date)

Today’s Role/Reboot post comes to you inspired by the following Facebook exchange:


I realized after I posted this that it might not be a gendered issue, but I don’t date women, so I really have no idea. There are probably lady-monologuers out there, too. That said, I do think there’s something about the economics of dating (especially online dating) wherein men are encouraged to try to impress, and women are encouraged to sit back and be impressed. The thing is, I’m mostly impressed by curiosity, which gets lost if you’re too busy telling a twenty minute story about CrossFit.


Related Post: Why online dating sucks for men.

Related Post: OkCupid by the numbers!

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Filed under Gender, Republished!

I Think I’m Doing OkCupid Wrong

This week for Role/Reboot, I did a little internal investigation on how I behave on online dating sites. We already know how I feel about gendered traditions once we’re actually on the date (i.e. Who pays?), but what about the sending of and responding to messages? Why do I sit back and wait? Is the answer really because it’s just so freaking easy? That seems like laziness to me, and no one should rest on their laurels when it comes to equalizing the playing field, least of all ladies who write about gender and equality on the internet…

onlinedatingRelated Post: Comparing dating to church.

Related Post: Guest post: the dangers of dating while freelancing


Filed under Gender, Republished!

Nicks, Davids and Mikes: OkCupid by the Numbers

I’ve tried to count and tally the last two years of okcupid dates with limited success, so here’s a different approach. Still can’t remember who Paul is….

Parents during the 80s were not super creative. Can you guess which guys weren't white?

Parents during the 80s were not super creative.

While my roommate makes fun of me for consistently visiting the same four restaurants, the data would suggest otherwise (though I do obviously have favorites):

Restaurants2For you Chicagoans, that looks something like this:

Dates - Google MapsAnd now, most important of all:

kissed?Related Post: OkCupid had a kickass blog

Related Post: An OkCupid message contest


Filed under Chicago

Litany Part 2

And this isn’t even half of it…

A while back, I wrote a post influenced by a Modern Love column and a book with an excellent title. The post chronicled a series of dates with just a sentence or two apiece. It’s amazing how easy it is to forget two hours of stranger talk the minute you walk out the door.

You may have seen the picture at right already on Smart Girls Who Do Stupid Thingsbut it just fits so well. A few more recent entries….

Ate tacos with a teddy bear of a guy who distributed beer in Chicago for a Brooklyn brewery. As a parting gift, he gave me two bottles of a new line out of the trunk of his car.

Bearded lumberjack in red flannel and a newsboy who had just moved to Chicago. Worked as a developer for one of the Chicago papers.

He was 22, but I went with it because,… well, why not? Spent most of college commuting to Chicago for school so he could take care of his grandmother in Indiana. Lots of tattoos, spoke with a lisp, reminded me several times that he had lots of older friends.

An extremely attractive Indian-American doctor who worked 90 hours a week and was mostly fascinated by the story of my parents’ relationship. “I’ve always been fascinated by divorce,” he said.

A 34-year-old graphic designer raised by his mom and two sisters. He didn’t drink at dinner because he was training for a muy thai fight that weekend.

Thai lunch with a 33-year-old guy two weeks before he moved back to Los Angeles. We mostly talked about his multi-racial “Benetton ad” family and Chicago segregation.

Two dates with a short contractor with the same name as my dad. Too bad I wasn’t feeling it, the third date was going to be pumpkin carving.

Three dates with a 36-year-old divorced trader. Well, three dates if you count the beer we had at the airport after meeting on the orange line. He wore a lot of jewelry and all his Facebook photos were of him skiing.

Related Post: Litany Pt. 1

Related Post: The break-up museum


Filed under Chicago

Sweet Potato Fries

This week at Role/Reboot, I wrote about one of my favorite subjects, online dating! I know, I know, I just have so many opinions on the subject that I just can’t help myself. My focus this week was how to actually have a good time on the date itself. Key words: low pressure + honesty.

Related Post: My piece for GMP on happier hunting on the interwebz.

Related Post: An OkCupid message contest.

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Filed under Gender, Republished!, Sex